Voldy and the Rat
by Poetheather1
Summary: Hey there boys and girls... it's time once again for your favorite villains. "Its Voldy and the Rat, its Voldy and the Rat. Once is a genius the other a prat..." Occasionally Mature.
1. Chapter 1

Voldy and the Rat

Heather O'Malley

Character rights are owned by JKR and the homage is to Animaniacs.

*****

Hey kids, its time once again for Voldy and the Rat!

"Its Voldy and the Rat, its Voldy and the Rat. Once is a genius the other a prat..."

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but I don't think Bellatrix will appreciate the bunny suit.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I mean what was Draco doing at the Lake with the Giant Squid?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I don't think so Lord Voldemort. I mean what are the odds of that happening?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but me and Rita Skeeter? What would the Children look like?

*****

"It's Voldy..it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	2. Chapter 2

Voldy and the Rat…

Heather O'Malley

All characters belong to JKR

*****

Hey kids, time for another episode of Voldy and the Rat...

"Its Voldy and the Rat, its Voldy and the Rat. Once is a genius the other a prat..."

***

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, those glossy prints of Lucius naked with a goblin and lime jello are pretty.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, what is the sound of one fangirl squeeing?

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Hermione looks surprisingly good in black leather. Do you think she beats Ginny often? Do you think she'll let me watch?

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix will do anything for a Klondike bar.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I mean, I guess that shows just how much Harry loves horses.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, the all Death Eater version of The Sound of Music wasn't very good. I don't think you should have let Lucius play Maria and Bellatrix the Mother Superior.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but I still don't see how I look like that guy in Rockstar.

***

"It's Voldy..it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	3. Chapter 3

Voldy and the Rat 3

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

*****

Hey kids, its time for Voldy and the Rat!

"It's Voldy and the Rat, Voldy and the Rat, One is a genius, the other a prat..."

*****

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but it takes days for the sucker marks to go away after squid fornication.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, your Nagini skin boots look smashing. It goes with the cane you took from Lucius.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Potter would look good with D cup breasts.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I could watch Ron sing I'm a little tea pot all day long.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Deathly Hollows does sound like a retirement community.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I mean how can you tell who was on top between Sirius and Remus? And what is it with the alliteration?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I mean how did Harry and Ron's lips get so swollen and chapped?

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but spoilers are just rude.

*****

"It's Voldy..it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	4. Chapter 4

Voldy and the Rat 4

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

*****

Hey kids, its time for Voldy and the Rat!

"It's Voldy and the Rat, Voldy and the Rat, One is a genius, the other a prat..."

*****

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but I thought Minerva had a pink corset already?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but where can we find a Korean resturant at this hour to sell Remus to?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but where can we get enough House Elves to preform the Nutcracker Suite this Boxing Day?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but I'm not sure Bellatrix looks good dressed as Heidi.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I mean, who wouldn't want to dance with Lucius when he is wearing his ball gown.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Ginny and Luna look really good in that photo spread. Do you think they'll do a calendar?

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but how do you build a birdhouse in your soul?

*****

"It's Voldy..it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	5. Chapter 5

Voldy and the Rat 5

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

*****

Hey kids, time for another episode of Voldy and the Rat...

"Its Voldy and the Rat, its Voldy and the Rat. Once is a genius the other a prat..."

*****

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but do you really think Severus could play Mozart on the nose flute?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, I mean why do all the Ravenclaw girls smile so?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, just how much can Tonks transform?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but Hagrid looks funny in a dirndel.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Fenrir would look good with a poodle cut.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but why is Neville a Deatheater?

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but I don't think Crabbe tasted like chicken.

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, that Quibbler photo of you makes you look rather dashing.

*****

"It's Voldy... it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat, Rat!"


	6. Chapter 6

Voldy and the Rat 6

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

*****

Hey kids, time for another episode of Voldy and the Rat...

"Its Voldy and the Rat, its Voldy and the Rat. Once is a genius the other a prat..."

*****

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Narcissia really does make a good foot stool.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but are you sure the Carmen Miranda wig looks good on me?

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So Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but do you really think that Potter can get Lucius pregnant?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but do you really think JKR will allow it?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, goblin stew is much tastier with bubber tubbers added.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Cho Chang can suck start a Harley.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but when you consider the effect of ten dimensional geometry on the interactions of two points of a worm hole, it does indicate that the ground state of the event horizon is bound to be less than stable given an uncontrolled increase in power.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Spotted Dick does sound pretty obscene as a desert.

*****

"It's Voldy.. it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	7. Chapter 7

Voldy and the Rat 7

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

*****

Hey kids, time for another episode of Voldy and the Rat...

"Its Voldy and the Rat, its Voldy and the Rat. Once is a genius the other a prat..."

*****

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Trewlaney is better than television.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Harry does look some much more manly with pierced nipples and a Prince Albert.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, twincest is best relatively speaking.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, naked Quidditch is a lot of fun to watch.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Barty Crouch Jr. does have a strange licking thing, but he is so good at it.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, beat poetry sounds so much nicer if you use a club.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Draco does look adorable dressed like a little girl. The pigtails are very cute.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Umbridge work very well in the toad chorus.

*****

"It's Voldy.. it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	8. Chapter 8

Voldy and the Rat 8

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

# # # # #

Hey kids, its time for Voldy and the Rat!

"It's Voldy and the Rat, Voldy and the Rat, One is a genius, the other a prat..."

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, if Pottermore means more Potter is it Harry at an all you can eat buffet?

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, just how giant is Hagrid?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Dean Thomas is a great big tattletale.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, your wands being joined like that is rather oddly phallocentric.

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, MC Puff Daddy V is a great Rap name for you.

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, how much wood could a Hufflepuff chuck if a Hufflepuff could chuck wood?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, the Weasleys really are the Red Menace of the wizarding world.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, it's a good thing that we got Minerva neutered. You know how those cats like to roam.

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but Ron would make a terrible pocketwatch and Harry would have a crack in the face.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, a pirate hat would give you more street cred.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but the cool feel of my metal hand is so much nicer when masturbating.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Snape Snape Severus Snape. Snape Snape Severus Snape. Dumbledore! It's catchy!

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, the post Quidditch sex scenes really are hot. You need to write some more.

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, lederhosen and step aerobics are a bad combination.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, you really can bring the sexy back! Work it Girl!

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"It's Voldy..it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


	9. Chapter 9

Voldy and the Rat 9

Heather O'Malley

Characters owned by JKR.

# # # # #

Hey kids, its time for Voldy and the Rat!

"It's Voldy and the Rat, Voldy and the Rat, One is a genius, the other a prat..."

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, we could cast the Mikado with everyone. Maybe Lucius could play YumYum?

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but are Midichlorians responsible for magic use? That sounds a bit forced.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Harry is really Shorty McShorty-pants.

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Serious Moonlight does sound like Sirius/ Remus slash fic.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, it really is sad that Fenrir failed at Britian's Got Talent. Maybe Werewolves of London was too obvious a musical choice?

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, every redhead in the world must be a Weasley.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Watson is clearly trying to go to Mycroft for help but there are too many issues between the brothers. Poor Sherlock.

# # # # #

Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, and I figure that a snood would help keep your head warm.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but really, is puce anyone's color?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, Luna and Neville's kids will never be able to find anything.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but the waiter won't hold your table long enough to go snogging with Dobby.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but does eating the Patils count as having Indian for dinner?

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, spats give you the right amount of menace for Hollywood.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, the all Weasley CanCan number was fantastic. Fred and George looked really sexy.

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Pettigrew, are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so Lord Voldemort, but what is the average wing speed of an unladen swallow?

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"It's Voldy..it's Voldy and the Rat, rat, rat, rat Rat!"


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